


Darkness Breathes

by Sashataakheru



Series: Taskmaster Advent Calendar 2019 [5]
Category: Ancient Roman Religion & Lore, Taskmaster (UK TV) RPF
Genre: Advent Calendar, Ancient Roman AU, Fanart, God/Priest, Includes Fanart, Initiation, Master/Servant, Mystery Religion, Obscure Gods, Orcus - Roman Mythology, Ordeal, Other, Ownership, Poetry, Stream of Consciousness, Taskmaster Advent Calendar, Underworld Gods, divine union, questionable Latin, religious poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-05
Updated: 2020-02-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21681901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sashataakheru/pseuds/Sashataakheru
Summary: Dec 5: Mysteryi can’t explain what it’s like to know the mysteries of a god. all i know is that it broke me in the most blissful way.
Relationships: Greg Davies/Alex Horne
Series: Taskmaster Advent Calendar 2019 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558771
Kudos: 3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The first definition of ‘mystery’ in my old Collin’s English Dictionary concerns religious mystery, so that's what I’ve gone for here. I’m drawing on some of my own experiences of gods in this to try to explain the unexplainable. 
> 
> Uses [A053672](https://oeis.org/A053672) as a template. [Table of prompt is here.](https://3evilmuses.dreamwidth.org/84753.html) Feel free to make requests if you see a prompt you like and want me to write you a fic. <3
> 
> ETA: 5/2/2020: See chapter two for fanart.

i only find Him here  
in this small little cave, all alone  
in this isolated place, so far away  
from Romae itself, from the city, from all the grand temples  
where He shows His face only to me, to His priest  
and yet He is shadow  
He has no face that i recognise, there’s nothing but darkness  
i know Him as Orcus, Dominus Obumbratio,  
Orcus, Lord of Shadows, Lord of Darkness,  
Orcus, Lord of the Dead, of the Underworld,  
why did He call me?  
He never quite makes this clear, except i am His alone  
bound to no other god, hiding away in this cave alone  
with no human contact except for His warriors, Gladiatores Novem Eius  
who punish those who break their oaths  
who disrespect the blessed dead  
who trample and desecrate the ancestors’ land  
He watches everyone, He sees all, no one escapes His notice  
but all i see are these dark, stony walls, lit by dim torchlight  
i fear i have been in here too long, they dance like daemones  
spirits living in the shadows  
my head is filled with His mysteries  
so many things i have seen here  
so many things i can’t explain away  
can’t even begin to explain, or comprehend, because He is shadow  
i have died many times  
i had to; my ordeals have not been kind, but then  
neither is He; He is the punisher, the vengeful god below  
and He punishes me, as He must  
because i had to be initiated alone  
and initiation by a god  
it is no pleasant thing; i have lost everything, and gained only Him  
He is all i have now, all i can do is serve  
to shut myself away in here and drown in His mysteries  
to let Him break me over and over and over again  
remake me in His image  
shatter my psyche with divine revelations, shining  
blinding light, can’t even look at them  
can’t look, but i must, He shows me His true face  
His true being, His true nature, and i am utterly undone  
how can a human survive  
revelations like this? i can’t find any words, none exist for this experience  
i am rendered mute, incapable of describing  
lost in His beautiful, dark, soul-crushing presence  
this when I remember why i came  
why i came to Him  
when He called to me, called me into His bright darkness  
where i found peace, solitude, and a master to love me  
He fills me with His presence, lets me join with Him  
and i lose track of my own body  
where is my mind now?  
He is me, he is Me, _oh_  
it is a bliss so sweet, so unutterable, so unfathomable to speak of  
i live for this feeling, for this connection with the divine, with Him,  
where we cease to be He and i, and become We, both, together  
i am broken again now  
we are broken again, shattered, lifted high  
dissolved into the light, into His shadow  
i am consumed by Him, utterly, completely  
the words He speaks cannot be spoken, cannot be thought of  
i live out here alone  
because that is where He lives; He is not for Romae  
He is the quiet silence of the wind, whispering to me, the soft rain on my tunic  
the smell of freshly ploughed soil underfoot  
the deep scent of the wet earth  
rain falling on mossy rocks  
the darkness that fills the crevices in a rocky stone wall  
He is the leaf litter in the forest, the ancient trees  
reaching up into the sky, the eerie blackness of an eclipse  
when the world ceases to move, and all is utterly still  
He is my soul now  
i am His soul now, walking for Him  
walking the dark earth in His name  
and He has many names, some i am not allowed to speak of  
His names are mysteries, each revealing a secret, a key, a pathway, a sign, or His face  
Ursa, Gigas, Orcus, Dominus Temporis,   
names i can speak, but which contain so much more, won’t make any sense to the uninitiated   
but when i speak them in ritual  
their power overflows, fills me with awe  
i feel Him at the eclipse, waiting  
and His shadows consume me  
like smoke, they drift, spiral, swirl all around me, fill me  
with mystery, with His power, with His words, with His names  
summoning a god as old as time, from the deep earth  
and i am undone in His presence


	2. [Fanart] A Shadow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First piece of art I did for littleb0d's fanfic anthology. Not entirely happy with how it came out, but it's not a bad attempt. 
> 
> [Reference image.](https://www.deviantart.com/themalenudestock/art/Greek-Male-kneeling-3-288638512)


End file.
